From Chaos to Calm: 10 Tried and True Deescalation Techniques for Tantrums

© 2023 T. Gabriel. “Chaos” 2023.
Blog post published on July 5, 2023.

Tantrums can be incredibly challenging for parents, caregivers, and anyone who is around a child experiencing one. However, there are tried and true deescalation techniques that can help calm a child down and restore order to the situation. Here are 10 effective techniques:

  1. Stay Calm: When a child is having a tantrum, it’s essential to remain calm yourself. When you remain calm, you model for your child how to manage strong emotions. Take deep breaths and try not to react with frustration or anger. This technique can be difficult, especially if the child’s tantrum is triggered by something that is frustrating or upsetting to you as well. But, it’s important to stay calm and remain in control.
  2. Validate Feelings: Acknowledge the child’s feelings and let them know that you understand how they feel. This technique helps children feel heard and understood. When children feel validated, they’re more likely to calm down. For example, you can say, “I see that you’re feeling angry because you wanted the blue cup instead of the red one.”
  3. Use a Calm Tone of Voice: Speaking in a calm, reassuring voice can help the child feel safe and secure. A calm tone of voice can also help deescalate the situation. When you use a calm tone of voice, you’re sending the message that everything is going to be okay.
  4. Remove the Child from the Situation: If possible, take the child to a quiet, safe space away from any triggers or distractions. This technique can be helpful when the child is upset because of something in the environment, such as a loud noise or a crowded room. Taking the child to a quiet space can help them feel safe and reduce their stress levels.
  5. Give the Child Space: Sometimes, children need space to process their emotions. Give them the opportunity to calm down on their own. This technique can be especially helpful for older children who may want some alone time to reflect on their feelings.
  6. Provide Sensory Input: Sensory input can be a powerful tool for calming children down. Providing the child with calming sensory input, such as a soft blanket, weighted blanket, or stuffed animal, can help soothe them. Sensory input can also help children regulate their emotions and feel more grounded.
  7. Redirect Attention: Distract the child with a toy, game, or activity that they enjoy. This technique can be helpful when the child is upset because they didn’t get their way or they’re bored. Redirecting their attention can help them shift their focus and calm down.
  8. Use Humor: If appropriate, use humor to lighten the mood and help the child relax. This technique can be helpful for younger children who may be more easily distracted by something funny. However, it’s important to use humor sensitively and appropriately, as it may not be effective or appropriate in every situation.
  9. Offer Choices: Give the child choices to help them feel more in control of the situation. This technique can be helpful when the child is upset because they feel like they don’t have any control. Offering choices can help them feel more empowered and less overwhelmed.
  10. Provide Comfort: Offer hugs, a gentle snuggle, or other comforting gestures to help the child feel safe and secure. This technique can be especially helpful for younger children who may need physical reassurance when they’re upset. Providing comfort can help children feel loved and supported, which can help them calm down more quickly.

Remember, every child is different, and what works for one child may not work for another. However, these techniques are a good starting point for managing tantrums and helping children feel calm and secure. It’s also important to practice self-care and seek support from others when you’re dealing with challenging behavior from a child.


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